So, I’m probably not coming back to Discord

If you don’t already know, I was suspended from Discord in the afternoon of July 24th. Here’s what happened. I was riding in a car processing new applications to join our BATE FUEL server when I was suddenly logged out. I tried to log back in again and no dice. I checked my emails and discovered that my account was suspended for ban evasion. Which is ridiculous since I have never been banned from Discord. I filed an appeal and the suspension held after their review concluded that I was evading a ban. And that I had violated their terms and conditions by doing so. In effect, I am unable to use discord for at least two years, maybe permanently.

The irony is that I was overcautious to not violate those policies. After getting my account flagged as spam for sending too many DMs, I was highly aware of their policies and did my best to not accidentally violate them again. So I insisted that I didn’t do anything wrong, but the final word rests with them. I feel it was a mistake but there is no way to rectify it. And I am not fighting it.

Like with the YouTube termination, we know we closely adhered to their policies but they felt differently. We feel like this is part of a larger sweep of content on social media to protect minors from accessing harmful materials. We completely agree with that. Minors should not have access to adult material, and we went above and beyond on Discord to prevent underage people from joining and accessing our server. We video verified every man to make sure they were an adult and legally allowed to be there. Adult content is allowed on Discord and there are many communities like ours the platform.

Because of our video verification, I got to know and talk to many men. The BATE FUEL server was a place for fans of our work to gather and talk to each other and share intimate moments. Our work is primarily about removing the shame men might feel around their bodies and their sexuality. We had straight guys on there along with gay and bi men. It was a really cool place. We had special events and got to know the men there in a way that most musicians and artists almost never get to. As it was a male-only space, men were free to share things they couldn’t in mixed gender spaces. We spent so much time curating the community that we never had any problems with abuse or harassment because the guys who joined were some of the best men out there. It was a wonderful place to be. And the naked meditations were a wonderful experience, as we all let go of a lot of shame during those sessions.

For the past few months, I would start each day answering messages and really talking to the men about things going on in their life. Sex was a common topic, but we also talked about work and relationship stuff. There was a lot of healing that happened on that server for everyone involved. We created it for the music but it became so much more. And to think I may never speak to some of the men again is heartbreaking. I hope they know how to find me.

Men are taught from an early age to fear their bodies and themselves. Later, men are taught to fear their own sexuality. There is absolutely nothing wrong with male sexual desire as long as it takes place between consenting adults. Yet so many men feel shame around their desires. It poisons their own lives and, to an extent, society at large. Men who have not yet sexually integrated are more prone to violence and commit sexual assaults. We encourage men to address their desires in a healthy and safe way. A man does not have to fear his own sexuality. He can honor and celebrate it and not be wasteful or harmful with it. This is our philosophy for a man to own his sexuality before his sexuality owns him.

The Bate Fuel Wesbite

We built this website as sort of liner notes for the album BATE FUEL. But after the YouTube termination, we began to flesh it out as an actual online magazine for men about bate culture and other associated topics of interest to men who are exploring their sexuality in this way. We also built a streaming video site to host all of our videos. The Discord suspension came at a time when we were preparing to mount a larger promotional effort. I had some guests lined up for our Saturday talk show. Our experimentation with the server was over and we were getting ready to knock it out of the park.

The reality is that social media is really ban-happy right now. I don’t know if it’s due to automated AI systems or shifting policies with tighter restrictions. Likely both. But our server lost many members per day due to bans for no real reason, and we realized Discord is a very precarious platform to build anything long-lasting on. We spent hundreds of dollars building that server. We spent countless hours in designing and creating the BATE FUEL vibe, not to mention individually verifying each member to make it a safe place for all adult men and only adult men. It was not easy or cheap and we are grateful for the experience in building a community like that.

I do not believe minors should have unrestricted Internet access or access to adult material. This includes horror movies and violent imagery including music meant for adults. But let’s get real. A child can hear W.A.P. on the radio. And our music and videos were never as explicit as Cardi B, Sexxy Red or Cupcakke and we know that because we researched what was allowed on YouTube heavily. Our work is meant for adults only and it not only deals with sexual themes but with themes of trauma, drug abuse, heartbreak and ultimately healing from it all. We have made our artistic intent clear on this website and all of social media. Sure, a man can gratify himself to our work but I used to jerk off to a damn Sears catalog. We are addressing shame here.

Our work brings that shame to light and puts it under a magnifying glass. Men are allowed to look at it and examine it safely. Our work is for men who have been through hell and back. It’s for those who have gone through immense heartbreak and still find a way to live. For men who have lost their fire, our work has helped them rekindle it. We set these themes around catchy pop songs designed to get the life lessons into man’s consciousness so he can start feeling good about himself again.

As a sober gay man, I was available on Discord to help those suffering from addiction however I could. If a man asked me for help, I was there to provide him with resources and direction. I even took men to online meetings if they were willing. I was there as a living example that you could still have fun in sobriety. That you could dance and sing and do your thing without having to be high to enjoy it. And that’s the real tragedy of all these bans and suspensions. Our work encourages men to connect with each other and ditch the porn and the apps. We encourage gay men to put down the pipe and get down with real intimacy. We put our message where it’s needed the most. Places like sex clubs and bate spaces where those who might be suffering would encounter a ray of light. For gay men in recovery, this work was very special to them. We are not overly moralizing about drugs, alcohol or sexually free lifestyles. But if it ever becomes a problem, we can direct you to how to get help. You don’t have to stop having fun.

Everything I do is about service these days. I don’t regret the time, energy and expense of bringing this work to a larger audience. Every song, every video and every intimate moment on that discord server was about serving others and helping in any way I could. Through the creation of this work, I was able to heal from a lot of shame and resentment in myself and others. I also got in better shape and started treating myself better. This work changed my life and I know it helped many other men, too. If we are to address the male loneliness epidemic and the rampant drug addiction that is disproportionately affecting gay men, banning and suspending those who are actively addressing it seems counterproductive. In many ways, we feel our work balances the harm and emotional violence men experience on a daily basis. To label our work as harmful in any way is quite silly to us, and seems to misunderstand the point of it all.

More Than Just The Message

We are not trying to dress up our work in a message. Deeper significance is there if men look hard enough, and some of them do. It may sound trite, but if it helped one man recover from drugs or helped him deal with the shame then it was all worth it. My intentions get misread all the time, so I am not surprised that the intention of this work gets confused. At the end of the day, I know myself and what I am doing. I don’t scam people or try to seduce unwilling men. I am upfront about everything and honest as I can be. We created all of this not just to be provocative or edgy, but we knew that healing takes place in sexual energy. At least for men. We consider our work shamanic medicine. And just like all shamanic medicine, it might look like poison at first until you actually experience it.

I am not sure what is going to happen to the BATE FUEL server and for those that got to experience the shamanic medicine there, you will always have that rare experience. We will continue this website as a magazine and we may host the talk show here. We have all the tools we need to continue what was started on Discord. We do not want to put this site behind a paywall, but we are intent on keeping minors away from this material. You can sign up here for free. We will try to build out community features here and maybe even video and chat rooms like we had on Discord. But this is going to take time and expertise and a bit of money to do….so we’re just rolling with it.

If you want to support this ongoing work in any way, hit up the support page. We’ve got lots of work to do and there are many ways to help.

But for the men I met on Discord, you were part of a very special time in my life. I will never forget what we did there and the things we talked about. You were there for me daily and I will miss having such easy access to you guys. I was talking to another sober artist about all of this and he told me that he could hear the excitement in my voice. He could feel my joy about building a community of men from all walks of life, bonded together by their love of bating and exploring their sexuality with one another. It was always about the art and music, but you guys helped me realize that it was way more.

Much love,

Patrick